Dandoval's mission: To lead a one-man, firsthand investigation into Chengdu's finest (read: nasty! nasty! nasty!) fast-food establishments over the course of several months. At each "restaurant" he will eat three items: the current promotion item, one of his choosing, and one hand-picked by the sadistic editorial staff of CHENGDOO.

Round I: Dicos

Test subject #1. The "new" chicken burger
Chef's recommendation
Price: RMB9
Components: Bread, chicken, lettuce, and too much mayo.

Flavor ●●●○○○○○○○○○○○○○
No flavor, really, but at least I don't wanna puke.

Texture ●●●●●●●●●●○○○○○○
Too much mayo!

Apparent nutrition ●●○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
I could die from this.

Greasiness/sloppy factor ●●●●●●●●●●●●●○○○

Would you eat it again?
No. Unless it was a dare.

Test subject #2. Shrimp/chicken burger
Our pick
Price: RMB13
Components: Sesame bread, chicken, shrimp, lettuce, cucumber, and too much mayo.

Flavor ●●○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
Who thought shrimp & chicken go together?

Texture ●●●●●○○○○○○○○○○○
Fuck them.

Apparent nutrition ●○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
I could die from this.

Greasiness/sloppy factor ●●●●●●●●●●●●●○○○

Would you eat it again?
No. Not even if Jesus wanted me to. Worst shit I've had in a fast-food joint.

Test subject #3. Chicken Clumps
Dandoval's choice
Price: RMB10.50
Components: Chicken (breaded).

Flavor ●●●●●●●○○○○○○○○○
How could you go so wrong with fried chicken? It's easy!

Texture ●●●●●●●○○○○○○○○○

Apparent nutrition ●●●●○○○○○○○○○○○○
I could die from this.

Greasiness/sloppy factor ●●●●●●●●●●●○○○○○

Would you eat it again?
No. Just—no.

Dicos Final Verdict
Too much mayo! Bad food. Need to find a quiet place to sit and think of the evils I've done upon myself. Highly recommend this place for prospective vegetarians. You'll never eat meat again!

For the record, this column was all Dandoval's idea, and he eagerly volunteered to participate in it before he thought better of the idea. Contrary to appearances, no Dandovals were harmed in the making of this page.

This article by was first published in CHENGDOO citylife Magazine, issue 31 ("success & failure"). Photos and commentary by Dan Sandoval by Dan Sandoval.

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