Chengdu-based "traffic reality show" Tan Talks Traffic (谭谈交通) is up to his hilarious shenanigans busting Chengdu's traffic violators again.
In this episode, the witty traffic officer spots a driver who is not only smoking while driving but also talking on the phone. "This is very dangerous," Tan says. "Let's pull him over and have a chat."
But when Tan approaches the window, the driver hides his face behind his jacket, saying that he is a frequent viewer of Tan Talks Traffic and that he's afraid his friends will see him on the show and laugh at him.
As Tan tries to coax him out of the car, the driver grabs a newspaper to cover his face with.
"You're a man, and you're behaving like a girl!" Tan shouts as the driver gets out of the car, still covering his face with the newspaper.
"It's OK, I can hear what you're saying," reassures the driver from behind the paper.
"You can hear me, but I can't see you!" Tan proclaims. "All I can see is this [reads the headline] ... Hey, when is this paper from?"
"Talking to you like this is like talking to a terrorist!" Tan tears holes for eyes. "That's much better," he says. The driver grabs a pair of sunglasses as Tan launches into his lecture on safe driving.
"Come on, just give me a small fine and get it over with," protests the driver.
"A small fine?" Tan retorts. "This is a lot of points deducted from your driving record! And a fine of several hundred yuan!"
Tan launches into a story of how he caught another Benz S600 driver running a red light and slapped him with a several-thousand-yuan fine.
He's shown taunting that driver as well: "This car is worth 3 million, look at you with a Hermes belt on!"
As Tran tells this story, the driver again begins to protest: "Hey, mine is not an S600!"
"OK, whatever," says Tan, "It's a what? A B200. It's still 200,000 or 300,000. My point is, if you're driving a fancy car you'd better pay attention to traffic safety."
"This isn't a fancy car! I'm not rich!" the driver replies.
"You're not rich? What are you doing with a Benz? Wait a minute, this isn't a Benz." Suddenly Tan realizes all of the Benz ornaments on the car — on the hood, on the hubcaps, and on the rear — are decoration added on to a no-name Beijing brand car. "This is exactly what the People's Daily calls diaosi" (roughly translated as "loser"; further discussion here), says Tan, before breaking into a song and dance about losers who swap out their car ornaments to make their cheap car look like a Mercedes Benz.
"OK, OK, I'll deal with it," the driver promises. "Please don't sing. Or dance."
In the second video, Tan again spots a driver who is smoking, pulls the car over, and then finds that the back of the car is over capacity. After opening the trunk he sees that there are four people in the back playing mah jong, in addition to a large white teddy bear that Tan continually refers to as the driver's wife ("Not my wife!" the driver retorts indignantly, "my wife's." He lines them up on the sidewalk for a lecture that once again culminates in a song.
In this classic episode from 2009, Tan busts a motorcycle "taxi" illegally carrying a passenger. [English subtitles on video.]